I Fell Off the Bandwagon

Well, I fell off the bandwagon.  Not horribly, but I haven’t done p90x3 in a couple of weeks.  I could lie and tell you it’s because I haven’t had time, or I could just tell you the truth and say that I chose to do other things.  I may have had a bad meal here and there, but I’ve been eating good too.  With end of school activities picking up, work, concerts, and travel…I just haven’t felt like working out when I do have the time.  I want to relax.  I’ll get back on the bandwagon, but it may be spotty for the next couple of weeks.  My guess is that it’ll be easier for me to want to do it when school is out for the kids.

Last night I had a winy child who just did NOT want anything to do with homework.  He was in tears doing homework.  It was easy work, but I think he’s about done for the school year.  He has summer brain and sitting down writing words in ABC order, followed by reading 2 books was not something he wanted to do.  He finished and all was fine, but this is becoming a nightly thing at our house.  Only a few more weeks!  We’ve been sharing a spring cold at our house too.  To top off the illness train, my gallbladder reminded me how much it hated me on Friday night and I was up for most of the night. 

Last week was a bit of a whirlwind.  When you travel in the middle of a school week with 2 kids, it’s more stressful.  You have to make sure that everything is ready for those days you are gone and then when you get back it seems like it takes a few days to get back to normal for us.  This trip was for pleasure, not work related.  We took a trip to Atlanta to try to catch a glimpse of them filming The Walking Dead and then we saw Lady Gaga in concert.  We got to see them setting Terminus up for filming, but they started filming the day after we left.  I was on a mission to see Norman Reedus, and he was literally less than a mile away from me that day.  I didn’t know this until the following day…one day I will meet this man.  One day…..

Lady Gaga: let me just say that I’ve always been a fan of her music, but watching her perform can sometimes be painful for me.  She has DIE HARD fans, including my husband, and frankly, I was scared of what kind of characters I’d come into contact with while we were there.  I can’t even begin to tell you how AWESOME the show was.  I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun!  We sang, we danced, and we laughed with some pretty cool people who sat behind us.  Even my throat was scratchy when we left from singing so much.  The outfits some people wore though. Some were pretty amazing, while others were less than great, but they were all fun to look at.  If you ever get the chance to see Lady Gaga in concert…do it.  Seriously, she puts on one of the best shows.  Don’t take your child though…there were a few kids there and they saw more of her than they should have seen.  Hell, I saw more of her than I should have seen.  

Next show we’re going to see: Bruno Mars…I’m kind of excited about this one!  I mean, who doesn’t want to listen to Bruno Mars serenade you while watching him dance?  You’re not human if you raised your hand!  That show is in a few weeks. 

Next week is another busy week!  My youngest will graduate from 3K, we are heading to the beach for about 4 days, and my oldest will turn 7.  I can’t say much more about him getting older because I seriously might cry!  I wanted a child so bad and God gave me that beautiful child!  He’s such a mommy’s boy and I get extremely emotional when it comes to my kids!  He is such a good kid and I’m not just saying that.  He’ll have his birthday with us at the beach on Saturday.  Then on the 31st he’ll have his birthday party with his friends at the local bowling ally.  I’m a little nervous because there’s A LOT of kids invited.  Is it wrong to hope half can’t make it?  He just makes so many friends and he doesn’t want to leave anyone out.  FYI: even if half can’t make it, there will still be about 15 kids there.  Whew!  He didn’t get to have a party last year because I had just had a complete abdominal hysterectomy and could hardly move around.  He deserves a party this year!

I’ve rambled enough!  Let’s get this going!  Have a great day!

Why am I the one who gets sick?

As if the eye thing wasn’t bad enough, I have this nasty sinus stuff going on.  In fact, I think my sinuses are the cause of my eye problem.  I blamed my little girl at first, but as days go on I’m starting to feel bad for that accusation.  My face hurts…my eyes are so red and swollen and watery that I look ridiculous.  I’ve been sleeping with a damp/cold cloth on my face.  It’s the only way I can have a little bit of comfort.

Monday evening I told you what I wanted to eat and that I would just go home and workout and have my protein shake.  That didn’t happen.  The mere thought of sweat getting into my eyes was painful.  My son wanted spaghetti, so we had pasta and bread for dinner and I did NOT workout.  I still feel guilty about that.  I just didn’t have it in me. 

Yesterday, I woke up with swollen eyes and a sore face.  After dropping my son off at school and my daughter at my parent’s house…I got pulled over.  First, let me say that I appreciate those who protect us.  My brother used to be a police officer and I do respect them.  However, yesterday was just ridiculous.  Apparently, there isn’t enough crime to fight in our city because I was pulled over for putting my seat belt on as I was pulling out of my parents house.  I’ve never hoped I was contagious before, but man I hope that officer gets what I have.  I could understand if I wasn’t wearing it, BUT whatever.  Now I have a $25 ticket to pay.  Thanks man…

As my day went on yesterday, I received flowers, edible arrangements, and gift cards for Admin Professional’s Day!  I guess you could say that cheered me up!  By the time I got home, I didn’t want to workout.  I was miserable.  My head was hurting, my face was hurting, and my eyes looked/felt ridiculous.  I did homework with my son and then I bit the bullet and did the workout I missed from Monday: Upper Eccentric.  It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, but when you’re sick everything is miserable.  I drank a protein shake for dinner, bathed the kids, and went to BED. 

I just feel like I haven’t made much progress this week.  I besides my pasta/bread for dinner on Monday, I haven’t eaten bad.  I only had one helping, so I shouldn’t even feel bad about it…but I do.  I know that I’m not hindering the efforts I’ve been making, but I know that I’ve done more in the ways of working out.  I just have to accept that I’m sick and I’ll pick up where I left off later.  I’m still going to keep on and workout but I may not put as much effort into it. 

Ok, there’s my vent.  I feel a little better for getting that out 🙂 

Some days are better than others

The title says it all.  Last night I just didn’t feel so great.  I had a lot to get done when I got off work and not much time to do it.  Being a working mom of 2 younger kids can be a challenge.  Especially when you’re trying to accomplish a personal fitness goal. I had to go to the bank, the store to pick up a few things we ran out of, feed the kids dinner, help my son with homework, and also workout.  Yes, it’s only a 30 minute workout.  However, when you get off at 5 and have a 3 hour window to get things done before your kids bedtime.  It’s stressful.  Luckily, I have my husband for help but he’s also trying to accomplish the same thing I am (even if he doesn’t need it in my opinion).

So, last night he worked out while I helped my son with homework, ran to the bank and the store.  I came home and made dinner for the kids while Dennis had a protein shake and got his bearings after working out.  I procrastinated my workout because I was just tired.  I didn’t want to do it.  I didn’t want to do it while I was working out.  I didn’t want to do it when I was finished with it.  BUT I did workout.  He bathed the kids and did the dishes while I worked out.  I’m so thankful for a husband who isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty help me in areas that some husbands don’t.  I then had my protein shake while I complained about how tired I was. 

While getting in bed last night I started to wonder if my daughter shared a case of pink eye with me or if it was just my allergies acting up and then went to sleep.  I woke up this morning early to get myself, my son, and my daughter ready for the day so I could get my son to run club before school (they have to be there by 7am). As I got up I realized that my daughter shared her case of pink eye with me in not just one eye, but both eyes.  When I went to get into the shower I decided to look at my eyes…lovely.  Pretty awesome of her to share, huh?  Again, I’m dragging today.  My body is EXHAUSTED.  I’m wondering if she also shared her cold with me. The doctor said it was her allergies acting up, but I just don’t feel myself so I’m thinking she had something else and gave it to me.  I’m cranky and lethargic.  I can tell my body’s begging for a break, but I’m scared to cave.

I’ve put medicated eye drops for my pink eye in both eyes, but they’re still burning and bothering the hell out of me.  Yes, I’m being that annoying co-worker at work who’s probably contagious and tell people it’s my allergies if they ask.  Oh well.  I’m using hand sanitizer if I even touch my face but I haven’t bothered my eyes.  Believe me, I’d rather be at home, but my boss who’s the big wig is in the office this week and I need to be here. I’m also retaining a lot of water today for some reason and it’s making me miserable.  I’m guessing it could be from last night’s workout.  Maybe I should give Tony Horton a shout out for that.

Let’s be clear, I want nothing more than to go home, eat a pizza (possibly the whole thing by myself, ha!) and go to bed.  However, I’ll go home and help my son with homework, feed both kids, and workout while my hubby does his half of the routine with the kids.  I’ll drink my protein shake for dinner and wish I was chewing a pizza.  This 2nd block may be more difficult than I anticipated. 

Ok, sorry for the debbie downer post.  I just needed to vent.  I’m seriously not feeling anything today but lazy.  Tomorrow is Administrative Professional’s Day!  If you know someone who is one, tell them thank you.  They deal with so much on an every day basis from so many people…a lot more than they’re job requires and all with a smile on their face 🙂

The results are in…

I did it!  I completed the FIRST of 3 blocks of p90x3!  That is a HUGE accomplishment for me!  If I can do it, ANYONE can do it!  It’s been so worth it.  My mood has improved, I can move around and not have near as many aches and pains, I move faster than I used to.  I didn’t realize how sluggish I was before, but man I was pathetic!  I also sleep like a rock at night now where before I would lie awake for hours at a time.

I took my measurements yesterday and at first I was a little let down.  I think I was expecting more.  I think I wanted this dramatic change on the outside to match the dramatic change I feel on the inside.  I wanted to see more change in my pics, I wanted more inches gone.  Then I stopped and looked at where I started and where I am now, just 29 days later.  Then I thought “Why the hell are you down?  You did this in 29 DAYS, the RIGHT way!!”  Then I was totally cool with it. 

Here are my first block results:

Weight Lost: 11lbs

Inches Lost: 8.5″ overall

and here are my pics:

So, be nice to me.  It’s still hard for me to put these results out there, but I’m doing it to hold myself accountable! I can’t stop.  I just hope that I keep continuing on at this same rate for the next 30 days. 

With all of that said, I had my first cheat yesterday.  Hot wings and fries and a pack of Reese’s cups.  It was not everything I dreamed it would be.  None of it tasted good…like at all.  I think my taste buds have changed.  I didn’t even eat all of my wings because I just didn’t care for them.  So, now that I got my cheat meal out of my system, I can see that it wasn’t something I needed like my mind thought it was.  It also made me feel like crap yesterday.  Why do that to myself?  It’s not worth it.

We’re heading to the beach on May 23rd, which also happens to be the end of block 2.  It just worked out that way, it wasn’t planned that way. I’m hoping to really kick it into gear this block.  I’m hoping to kick ass and take names.  I want to be more comfortable in my skin before I go sit on the beach in a bathing suit. 

This next month is going to be crazy for us.  Both kids have a ton of end of school activities to attend, and Aiden turns 7 during our trip to the beach.  Which means a birthday party is in our future.  I’m ready though!

Reality is calling my name so I hope everyone enjoys your week!

 

 

Quick Update

Happy Tuesday!  Yesterday was such a long, draining day for me!  We had important visitors in our office and work and I think I only sat down for maybe an hour yesterday at work.  The kids went back to school after a week off and we had to adjust to that and homework again.  I got some news that I’ve been waiting to hear that took a million pounds off of my shoulders.  My hubby also took a forgotten form to our tax lady and had our taxes amended.  Thankfully I had some errands that I needed to run with the kids so I wasn’t present for that.  That crap stresses me out.  I was worried that we would end up having to pay and it was just a pain to even think about.  Luckily, we don’t owe anything and they actually owe us.  Another awesome bit of news from last night. Pretty much everything started stressful and ended with great news.

Enough about yesterday.  I’m still trucking a long on my fitness journey with p90x3.  Friday I had a mini cheat day.  We went to the Masters for the day and I had a pimento cheese sandwich, a bbq sandwich, and a peach ice cream cookie sandwich.  I washed those down with 2 sweet teas.  Well, that’s a lie.  I drank 1 tea and 2 sips of the 2nd tea before I realized I couldn’t drink it.  It was too sweet for me.  What?!  Yes…I couldn’t handle the sugar.  It may have been a mix of the other food too, but I’m just not used to eating that way anymore and my tummy let me know that I needed to stop before I got sick.  Crazy stuff, huh?  Anyway, we walked so much that day that I don’t think any of those calories counted at all.  I also worked out before we went that day.  My legs were screaming at me when we got home that night.  Saturday, I did 2 workouts from p90x3 and it was intense for me.  I was sore Sunday, but a good sore.  I did weigh myself on Sunday.  I know, I said I’d stop but it was just so tempting.  I was down in lbs but I’m not telling how much.  I’d rather give you the big numbers and measurements on Monday, 4/21.  That’s when I measure, take pics, and “officially” weigh in for the first block.  I’ll share the before/after pics with you then.  I’m proud of myself.  I’m wearing a shirt that is more fitting today and I feel comfortable in it.  I also had a coworker tell me this morning that they could tell that I’ve lost weight.  How’s that to start a day?!

Each morning I get on IG and look at some pics of those who are on the same journey as me.  Mostly for inspiration because some days are harder than others, but it helps me.  Today, someone I know posted a picture trying to be inspirational and I could not disagree with them more.  They posted a pic and said “There is no one giant step that does it, it’s a lot of little steps.”  That statement could not be further from the truth for me.  It was a HUGE step for me to commit to this workout program.  It was also a HUGE step for me to change my eating habits at a drop of a hat the way I did.  Those 2 HUGE steps have changed everything for me.  HUGE steps CAN do it.  What some may look at as a small step, could be a HUGE step to others.  I’ll leave this topic on that note because frankly, that comment was ridiculous to me.

I hope you all have a great week and keep up the good work!  I’ll see you guys on Monday 🙂

Monday…

I’m not a fan of Mondays.  It’s always harder to wake up and leave my bed on a Monday morning.  It’s Master’s week this week and it’s a little quieter at work.  Either everyone left town to get away from the madness or they took off to go to watch some golf or work at the National.  For those of you who don’t know, The Master’s golf tournament is this week and it brings in a huge portion of revenue for our city for the year.  It’s a pretty big deal around here.  My husband and I will make it over to the Augusta National on Friday to watch some of the tournament, visit the gift shop, and eat a pimento cheese sandwich.  The amount of walking we’ll be doing will work that off 🙂 

This past Friday I cheated on my healthy eating lifestyle (I don’t want to call it a diet).  I needed ice cream.  I know you think I’m exaggerating, but I NEEDED it.  So, my hubby went over to Chick-fil-A and bought me a cup of ice cream.  That’s love 🙂 It was only 290 calories, so really…it wasn’t a huge cheat.  I probably could have done without the sugar, but I think I still came in under my calories for the day.  After this first p90x3 block is finished, I will treat myself to a Zaxby’s meal for a cheat meal. Needless-to-say, I can’t wait for the first block to be over.  I did read that your body needs a cheat every now and again.  So, I’ll follow the advice…

When I first started p90x3, my intentions were to weigh/measure/take pics of myself the day before I started, and not again until the 1st block was complete.  Well, I haven’t measured myself, and I only took the pics that once to help me get past a day that I just felt like nothing was working.  However, I’ve weighed myself twice.  I’m down 8lbs since the beginning.  I just don’t want to weigh myself again until the first block is over.  I can tell that my tummy has gone down a good bit, even though I don’t feel a HUGE difference in my jeans.  It’s noticeable to me and my husband noticed it as well.  I mean, my jeans are just a little more loose than they were, but I’d like to see that change more.  I know it’ll come in time.  I think for me to already see a change with my own eyes says enough right now.

Tonight is either Dynamix or a rest night.  I’m not resting.  I’m going to a spin class and then I’ll come home and do the Dynamix.  Since it’s Spring Break and I don’t have to worry about homework or strict bedtimes with my kids, I’m able to have a little extra time for a spin class.  Otherwise, I’m only going to go to spin on the weekends because it’s just too much to fit in during the week.  I went from exercising once or twice a month to 7 days a week.  So, I think spinning on just the weekends will be just fine. 

This past weekend, we took the kids to the park to play and ride bikes.  I ran to keep up with my son on his bike.  He thought it was fun to try to get away from me, and I didn’t mind because it pushed me to run.  We then went to an area called the Brick Pond Park.  We saw a momma duck with all her little ducklings and 2 gators.  I had my daughter on my shoulder for a good bit of the walk around there, so I got a workout there too 🙂  Yesterday, was a laundry day.  We also prepped our lunches for both of us for the entire week.  We don’t normally do that, but it helped a TON.  It took about an hour in the kitchen and was so much less hectic than doing it each night or even better, the day of because you forgot or fell asleep. We prepped the ingredients for our eggs.  I eat scrambled egg whites pretty much every day and I add diced tomatoes and diced onions with a little hot sauce to the top.  Other mornings I may have an egg white, turkey bacon, cheese on an english muffin just to switch it up.  Anyway, you just can’t cook that the night before.  That’s gross.

Well, lunch break is over.  I’ll see you guys soon!

Day 11 of the progam

Happy Friday!  I hope everyone is having a productive day!  Today is career day at my son’s school and he dressed as a chef today, because he said he wants to be a chef when he grows up!  I’d like to think today has been productive for myself.  I’ve managed to get 2 kids ready and out the door for school, workout, and worked a bit.  Not too bad for a Friday. 

I’m on day 11 of the p90x3 program.  I’ve completed all 11 workouts so far and I’ve eaten near perfect for the past 11 days.  I was brave enough to post a before/after pic the other day.  Yes, I took one already.  The other day I was feeling down.  I was tired, cranky, and I really wanted junk food to make me feel better.  So, I asked my husband to take another pic of me so I could see if I looked even the slightest bit different.  First, let me say that I know it took me a good year to put this weight on.  I’m not expecting to drop it all overnight.  I wish I’d started sooner.  However, to my surprise…there was a difference.  There was a BIG difference, at least to me.  So, I thought I’d post the pics below.  Go easy on me please.  The pic on the left was the day before I started.  There are 10 days between these pics.  I still have a long way to go, but this gives me the motivation I need to keep on going.

I’m craving fries today so I’m going to make carrot fries and grilled chicken for supper.  You take carrots, cut into strips, brush a little bit of olive oil on top and bake at 450 for 10-12 minutes.  Easy peasy.

I’m realizing that I want to do more than just the p90x.  I want to go spinning or running, but there hasn’t been enough time in the day for that yet.  I’m still getting used to everything.  I will figure out how to add it, but it’s not a necessity right TODAY.  I’ll take a class Sunday and keep up the rest in the mean time.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!  My kids are off for Spring Break now and the Masters will be in town next week.  I’m looking forward to making our way to the Augusta National on Friday of next week.  I’m not a huge fan of golf, but there’s just something about the Augusta National. 

Have a great weekend!

I’m not feeling as great today

This is just a quick post.  For the past week, I’ve felt really good.  Today, I think my body is playing an April fool’s joke on me.  I feel bloated today and it’s just not helping with how I feel.  I’m drinking plenty of water, but I just feel like crap today.  Last night, I did the Dynamix workout, but I just didn’t feel like I was into it mentally.  I think my body was so tired that it just didn’t feel like giving 100%.  I gave as much as I could and I still managed to break quite a sweat.

My plan last night was to have a protein shake for dinner.  It was 6:30pm by the time I finished my workout and I figured a protein shake would be just as good for me after working out.  Sometimes I can drink a protein shake just fine.  Other times, they make me feel really sick.  Last night, I drank 1/2 of it and started to feel really sick.  I couldn’t drink the rest.  Hopefully tonight I will be able to stomach a protein shake for dinner. 

I’m hoping that after tonight’s workout I’ll feel a lot better.  I’m just having one of those days where I just feel BLAH. 

On another note, my son get’s his report card today.  Does anyone else find it ironic that they’re sending these home on April Fool’s Day?  

1 week down!

I have to admit this weekend wasn’t everything I’d hoped it would be.  I did take Lyla to a birthday party and we spent some mommy/daughter time together while Dennis took Aiden out with him.  Aiden didn’t want to go to a “little girl” party.  It was a minnie mouse party and I can respect that from him.  So he enjoyed the time alone with his dad.  That’s one of the few weekend highlights. Frankly, I don’t want to re-live a bad weekend so I’ll leave it on this note: hopefully next weekend will be better!

So, I’ve completed my first week of p90x3.  I’m proud of myself. I caved yesterday morning and weighed myself.  Honestly, I didn’t want to weigh or measure myself until the 30 day mark but I walked past the scale and I had to see what it said.  So, in the first week alone I’ve lost 6.5lbs.  That means I’m down to 230.5.  That’s not too bad.  I still have a long way to go, but it’s a start.  I’ve completed every workout for the first week.  Yesterday, my arms were so tired that I sat out of one of the pushup exercises (I think the thumbs up pushup) on The Warrior workout, but it was only 1 minute.  Well, no that’s a lie.  Let me at least give myself a little credit. I did a few before I realized how tired my arms were and then I sat out the rest of that minute. I beat myself up over that, but my arms were exhausted.  I know my body best though!  Today I have 2 options: a rest day or Dynamix workout.  I think I will do the Dynamix because it’s only 30 minutes.  I can do anything for 30 minutes, right?  Well for the most part.  Did I mention how much I love that it’s 30 minutes and at home?  I feel like I’m able to dedicate time to my kids and myself now!

The eating has been going surprisingly well.  I’m eating every couple of hours.  For breakfast today I had some scrambled egg whites with some diced onion, jalapeno, and tomato topped with just a little bit of cheese and a little hot sauce.  I’m not a fan of eggs in any sense but these were good.  I like spicy stuff so I had to throw in the jalapeno. For dinner and lunch I’ve had some chicken breast made different ways, salads, veggies, fruit, protein bars,  and protein shakes.  I have 1 coffee a day with just a little milk mainly because I still want some caffeine in my life.  Otherwise, I’m only drinking water.  Before I would have 2 sweet teas a day.  I’ve cut that out.  Every now and again I would have a diet coke.  That’s done too.  I was starting to get bored with just plain water so I started to put different things in it.  I’ve made cucumber water, and lime water so far.  I’ll make some different fruit water later this week.  It helps. 

I may be crazy since it’s only been a week, but I feel like I can see a difference here and there.  I feel like my belly looks as if it’s gone down just a little.  I put a pair of jeans on Friday that were a size smaller than I’m used to wearing.  It was by accident.  I thought they were a pair I wear now, but when I put them on I started to get a little discouraged.  I buttoned them and they looked fine but I felt like they were little snug.  I was thinking “all this work for my jeans to feel like this?”  Then I looked and realized they were a size smaller.  They were my old fat jeans before I grew out of them.  So, I guess something is going down if I was able to get them on. 

I’m hoping I can finish week 2 with as much enthusiasm as I did for week 1. 

People can be mean, but why did I have to stoop to their level?

I’ve always been very opinionated and outspoken.  However, I’ve gotten really good about keeping my mouth shut when things bother or upset me.  That is until today.  Maybe today will teach me to keep my mouth shut even more, but I just can’t let someone be rude to me and not stand up for myself. I’ll explain…

Yesterday afternoon, I started to get a headache.  It didn’t really go away, but I still pushed through my evening and my workout.  I took Tylenol PM Cold last night because of my killer headache and runny nose (we were out of allergy pills and I was desperate). I woke up so cranky this morning.  PM meds do this to me.  It takes me 1/2 the day to wake up.  On top of that, my legs are KILLING me from last night’s workout.  I mean, sitting on a toilet is even hard work because I don’t want to bend my legs.  Annnnd, I woke up with the same headache I was trying to get rid of last night.  So, my mood sucks today.  I also have a ton to do between now and the time I go to bed this evening.  So, I’m a little stressed.

I had to make a stop at the gas station today during my lunch break.  As I walked inside, this woman (term used loosely) was walking EXTREMELY slow in front of me and abruptly stopped shortly after we got in the door because she got distracted looking at candy.  I shot past her because I was in a hurry and just needed to pay the cashier and there was already a line.  However, when I went to move past her she took a step my direction and bumped into me.  I said excuse me and instead of saying ok, or nothing at all she proceeded to say “you stupid bitch you ran me over”.  I looked at her and the only thought going through my head was, what did this fool call me?  So, out came my opinionated/outspoken side. I told her “Yeah, I did because you stopped in front of me and you were moving too slow.”    She then proceeded to mumble under her breath as she walked to the bathroom and kept looking back at me.  Again…I should have known better BUT if you’re going to talk about me, say it where I can hear it.  So, I said “If you’re going to mumble about me, woman up and say it TO me or shut up and go in the bathroom.”  At this point, I’m dreading ever saying anything because I know myself well enough that I won’t be able to shut up if she says anything more.  I said I’ve improved and rarely speak my mind anymore, I didn’t say I was perfect.  She then walked off and I finally got my turn at the counter and began to pay the cashier when the girl who had been running her mouth came right up behind me and said “you fat ass” fairly loud.  Well, you all know how I feel about myself.  That statement really hurt, I don’t care who you are.  It’s been so long since someone has called me fat, so instead of crying like I wanted to I said something to her.  I’m an intelligent woman and I consider myself successful.  I am very blessed with so many friends, so why I went to her level and looked country in this store, I don’t know.  I guess after the week I’m having, I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

If someone upsets me, most of the time I can turn my head and walk the other way and be the bigger person.  Most of the time.  Today, not so much.  Regrettably, I stooped to her level and as calm as ever said “I’d rather have my fat ass than a face as ugly as yours”  She shut up and walked to the back of the store.  There was a man to my left who laughed and nodded when I said it.  However, it didn’t make me feel any better.  I now feel really bad because I stooped to her level.  Yes, she was ugly but I didn’t need to go there.  It’s just that it really hurt because even though I’m only 3 days into this journey, I’m still doing everything I can to try to change my “fat ass” so I don’t need someone bringing me down or reminding me.  

My hopes are that one day, I’ll be able to walk around and no one will think I’m fat.  I should use her comment as motivation, but instead it’s just stuck in my head over and over.  I feel bad for stooping to her level.  I’ll just let those kind of fools look stupid from now on.  I need this day to get better.  Hopefully it will now that I’ve gotten this off of my chest.